I have been officially labeled 'recurrent pregnancy loss'. Nice, huh?
I received a call from my doctor's office this morning. One of my test results came back abnormal.
I have developed thyroid disease and my levels are high enough to have made the nurse sound a little freaked out...
to be fair, I think R. is just a sweet, concerned woman who really, really wants to see us bring a living baby home to raise. On a similar note, I am so happy to be in a doctor's practice where they all know my name and seem genuinely concerned about me and hubs. They all go out of their way to do whatever they can for us. Such a different experience from the practice I was with when I was pregnant with Owen (that is a whole different and sad story).
So...here we go, down another scary and unknown path. I'm meeting with my PCP tomorrow, then I'm off to the endocrinologist for some help in managing my over active thyroid. Apparently, I really need to get it managed quickly because it can make me very ill. R. asked if I had been feeling sick...and I had to think about it.
Maybe I've just grown accustomed to feeling badly, I constantly feel anxious, irritable, weepy, over emotional, and tired, but unable to sleep. I just attributed these things to being a bereaved mom...one with three babies in Heaven and the worry that none of my babies will live.
I guess I was wrong. R. told me that these things can absolutely be attributed to my thyroid.
Huh. You mean, I don't have to feel this way all the time? That's just crazy talk...
I am anxious (big surprise) about getting this under control. I am anxious about what this means for us in terms of getting pregnant again.
I promised hubs I wouldn't google hyperthyroidism. I tend to freak out pretty easily...and that's all I need right now...to feel more anxious about something that I haven't even been fully diagnosed with by a specialist...to freak out more about something I don't know the full implications of in my specific case.
O.K. Lord, here we go again. When I woke up this morning, I didn't know I would be getting this call, but You did. You weren't surprised and You aren't worried.
I don't know what this means for us...and we still don't know the results from my other ten blood tests...but You do.
I need Your comfort and peace. I need help trusting You and Lord...I really want to bring my babies home. Please.
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;
light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.