Friday, December 5, 2008

Back When I Thought

sewage water (a.k.a. poop) bubbling up my tub drain was the worst thing that could happen...oh, I long for those days.

I wish I was joking. When I was seven months pregnant with Owen, we were living in an old apartment building with really old crappy pipes (no pun intended). One morning, we awoke to some rather strange gurgling noises. Hm...that's odd. Gurgling noises coming from the pipes was somewhat normal, but the noises this particular morning were coupled with a loud banging. I jump out of bed, as fast as a pregnant woman with a basketball in her tummy can jump, and we head to the bathroom, where there is a smell...yes, a smell of sewage drifting down the hall.

Our tub was full, I mean almost overflowing with sewage water. Whatever you want to imagine it looked like is probably not as bad as it really was...and yes, there were dead roaches in the 'water' as well.

Oh, the horror. If you've read my profile, I am a documented NEAT FREAK and this was no way to start a morning.

Long story short, plumbers come, snakes are used, professional cleaners called....and not four days later we are awakened to a familiar gurgling alarm clock. Again, I wish I was joking.

Ok, so it all eventually got sorted out and no, we're not living there anymore.

Back to my point. I wish my worst nightmare was waking up to poop in my tub. Unfortunately, that's just not the case. Losing a child puts everything into perspective. What is the worst that could happen? sigh.

I am grieving for what I don't little boy in my arms, but I am praising God for what Owen has.
My heart is literally torn in two.

Life is beautiful, God; but so difficult. Comfort us in our suffering.
Psalm 51: 15-17

O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

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