Wednesday, December 10, 2008


Hope. I love the way the word feels on my lips. HOPE.

Hope is an intriguing word. It brings up so many emotions, ideas, and different images to us all.
We all hope for something.

To some, it's the day when health, strength will return to their bodies; or the perfect man/woman comes riding into their lives on a white horse; or the job that will bring security, fulfillment and happiness.
And to others, it's the image of little feet running through the house. I can relate.
I long for the day when our house will be filled with dozens of children, the noisy lullaby of a happy home.

The dictionary defines hope as a 'desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment'.

I admit it, my hope has been in having living children. I admit that I have bargained with God, made deals with Him, begged and pleaded with Him to allow my future children to live to an old age, to see them grow raise them, NOT bury them!!

Recently, I've been thinking how unfair it would be to put all those hopes and expectations on a tiny baby. Can a baby fulfill my every hope and desire? Can a baby make me whole? Can having a living baby or ten babies be my hope of happiness, fulfillment, peace and joy?

.sigh. I don't think so. Okay, okay, I know it's not possible. I need my hope to be in something that is guaranteed...I have to face the facts that what God promises us is His Spirit, redemption through Jesus Christ and the HOPE of Heaven.

I want my hope to be secure. I want my hope to come into fruition. I want my hope to be guaranteed.
I want my hope to be Heaven.

Heavenly Father, I am struggling to keep my head above water. I long for the joy of having living children. I ache for Owen and my tiny little ones.
Holy Spirit, please pray for me with groans that words cannot express.

Romans 8:20-26
For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God.
For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

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