Monday, December 8, 2008

So Many Babies

Oh, the babies...does everyone in the world have a baby???
I'm so jealous. I openly admit it. I am jealous. Bitter. Resentful. Angry. Sad. Confused.
I have a baby too. Mine is in Heaven. sigh.

Tonight was our church's Christmas program.
We arrived a little late because we had just been to the Christmas tree farm to pick out our very first live tree. It was definitely a memory in the making. Hubs cut the tree down, after about 10 minutes of struggling to get started. In retrospect, it was pretty funny. There we were, lying on the ground trying to get the dang saw to cut in a straight line while continually unsticking it from the trunk. Bah humbug. Collectively, we were in a bad mood for all of 5 minutes.
All that to say, we were a tad late. The choir is singing 'What Child is This' when we sit down. Oh, it is such a beautiful song about the Son of God dwelling in a tiny newborn baby. All the fullness of God in a helpless baby...tonight, however, all I could think of was Owen.

What Child is this, who laid to rest,
On Mary's lap is sleeping?...The Babe, the Son of Mary.

Then a baby starts crying behind us and a little boy two rows in front of me who is sitting in his daddy's lap turns around and looks me straight in the eye. Ba humbug.

I know God is an understanding and gentle God, He knows my heart and feels my pain and sorrow. An image of newborn baby sleeping in his mother's lap was too much for my broken heart tonight...not to mention the babies, babies EVERYWHERE!

I escaped to the bathroom. More babies in the back. Babies in the bathroom. Babies. Babies. Babies. My hubs follows me where we spent the rest of the service crying and huddling together in a safe corner at the back of the church. After the service is over, he runs to our seats and grabs our coats, and we are out of there. I have never wanted to run away more than I did tonight.

Heavenly Father, please hold me.

Colossians 1: 15-20
He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him.
And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.

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