Thursday, February 5, 2009

Ache

There are a few women that I know who are pregnant with babies due within a few weeks of our little sunshine (the third little one we lost 12 weeks ago).

While I do not begrudge their happiness, especially because they have lost babies themselves, I am still overwhelmed with pain at the reminder that they are still pregnant. Their babies are still alive. They are preparing to bring their babies home, having ultrasounds, seeing their cute little faces on the screen, watching their tummies grow as their babies grow bigger each day, and discovering the gender of their little ones.

My heart is aching with sadness tonight. I miss my sweet sunshine. I miss all my dear ones.


I'm aware that at first glance, this may seem a strange comparison...
but have you ever heard a female cat in heat?

Our kitten is in heat right now. She is prowling the house, restless, unable to sit still, moaning and crying, sometimes softly and other times as loud as her little body can yell...
I called her name and she reluctantly came to me.
I picked her up and rocked her back and forth in my arms. She finally quieted down and was silent. She's lying next to me as I type, confident that I'm here and resting in my closeness.


Oh, Heavenly Father...I'm aching with sadness, overwhelmed with longing and restless with grief.
Please hold me...comfort me.

2 comments:

Anna said...

Ebe,

I like the comparison. It fits.

This is one of the hardest things isn't it? Seeing the happiness, the joy that we want. Not wishing our sorrows upon others, but just wishing to have our own happy experiences now along with them.

(((hugs)))

Zil said...

Your articulated this so well. I want my friends and acquaintances to have healthy babies, when alas I did not and cannot again. I feel jealousy and sadness – because I too should be rubbing my belly, nearing my EDD. I feel guilt because my body failed me and my baby.

May your friends and fellow blogger provide the same comfort that you give to your kitten.