Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Anxious

I have an anxious mind today. Well, I've been anxious all weekend and it is intensifying as the hours pass.

Being anxious is something I'm really, really good at doing. I mean, I know how to worry and stress and pace and not sleep and think and rethink and analyze and...
try my best to take the control from my Heavenly Father and figure it out by myself. I love to put my hope in my ability to analyze situations. I relish the opportunity to trust in myself and my strength and intelligence.

I love being self-sufficient.


And I hate it too.

This morning when my alarm went off to take my thyroid medication, I didn't fall back to sleep like I usually do. I spent the next 3 hours wrestling with the Lord.


I'm late.


The two pregnancy tests I've taken were negative...


All I've been able to pray is 'Heavenly Father, I trust You. Help me trust You more.' Over and over again.


Prayer is something that I'm still grasping to understand, but if you will go over (which I'm sure you already have) to MckMama's blog and read her post on prayer...it is amazing and really offers great perspective on why we need to pray. The only thing I would add is that prayer is a way to deepen our relationship with our Father and to see His goodness and grace.

Her son, Stellan, is in the hospital. Please pray for him and his family.

3 comments:

Zil said...

Thinking of you and wishing for a positive test

Keisha Valentina said...

Ebe, I am praying for you right now.

Meyers_in_China said...

hi- I am in the middle of trying to get pregnant too. Somethings that has helped has been to (starting with Ps 23) pray through a Pslam each month. Before I go to bed it helps me focus on the character and love of God. Rather than my present situations. It helps when the tests come back neg and I get my period as well. BC I can cry through a Ps - as so many of them are heart crys to God. As I get further away from Ps 23 each month I do not have a baby but I do have eternal truths in my soul. I hope someday soon my womb will be full too. Until that day happens I wait in Hope.