Tuesday, April 28, 2009

My Friend Grief

Do you find it quite bizarre that one day I can write a post like this? and then the next day write one like this?
Yep, me too...

Grief has infiltrated my life. It has become a permanent fixture, bolted firmly into place.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind its presence. I connect the grief with my love for my babies, so I live with the grief of our separation, because I love them so fiercely. Because I am always connected to them through the bond of love and the hope that we will live again together, I also have a close bond to my grief. I will carry it with me for the rest of my life- until we are separated no more.

Next week will be 18 months since we held our little boy in our arms and said our goodbyes (for now).
The difference between the place I was a year ago and the place I am now is profound.
I think even familiar strangers can tell the difference.

Yes, friends, I am grieving with hope.

Praise God. I give him all the glory for the Spirit working these changes in me. I am a work in progress indeed.

I am beginning to recognize the deep struggles that come with living a life of faith. Struggles that don't go away just because I entrust myself to the Lord. There are still seasons of continually waiting upon the Lord. Those are not easy seasons, my friends. I know I don't have to tell you all that.

And surprise, surprise...I do still feel stuck some days.

Today is one of those days.
I am fighting the (somewhat pathetic) feeling of being left behind (no, no not that kind of Left Behind). Here we are, 2 years and 1 month since I became pregnant with Owen and we still have no living children, and nope...I am not pregnant.

Sometimes, waiting feels an awful lot like being stuck somewhere against my will. But I have to remind myself that I am not standing still, statue-like, waiting for God to tell me what to do or waiting for Him to do something; I am constantly moving forward, living the life He has called me to live, walking with Him towards my Home.

Because today is one of those days where I need to hear the Good News repeated to me over and over again, I will remind everyone here too:
Jesus is alive. God is sovereign and good, and because of this we will always have great hope (Thanks, Keisha).


Mrs. MK said...

Yes, this resonates with me as usual....knowing that God is working even when we feel stuck!

Chris said...

Praise Jesus that He is continually at work in us. I am so very encouraged to see the work of the Spirit in your life my sweet babily. I really do see it. It is amazing, and that is a testament to His faithful word. I love you!!

Rachel said...

Lamentations 3:21-34 (I think)

Grieving with hope with you!

Keisha Valentina said...

Oh it is so hard to believe that hope sometimes but whether or not we do, it is true nonetheless.

"And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security." ~
Job 11:18

Keep fighting for it, it truly is like a battle (that's already been won) yet how often we forget.

Love you, Keisha

P.S. Thanks for stopping in to say hello on the 'ol blog. :)

Tonya said...

Praise God for HOPE. I know it's there. It's what I live for - HOPE in Jesus, Heaven, Eternity... Even though I feel like it's so far away at times, even nonexistent today.

I'm so sorry that you feel stuck, but you're right... You are continually moving in the Lord, in His direction.

You are a blessing in my life, and I thank Him for you!