Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Unaffected?

I often wonder if the people in my 'real life', you know, the people who sit next to you in church, the people you know from college or high school, think about Owen and what it must be like to live in our shoes. Do they miss him? Does he even cross their minds as they go about their day; holding their children, complaining about poopy diapers and lack of sleep. Does he enter their thoughts when they take a pregnancy test or go into labor?

Owen...

Do they remember him when tears stream down my face during all the songs at church? Is he all but forgotten?

What is it like to live in a world where this type of thing only happens to 'other people'? I can't remember...yes, one day, 18 months and some days ago, I was just like them.

Do they think of him at all? Does he matter to anyone but me and my husband?
Are they unaffected?


Is this self centered?

Probably. I am, after all, the center of attention in my own head.


I mention this because I have gotten a couple emails lately. Emails from 'real life' friends who make me a little more willing to venture out into public; to face the crowds of pregnant women and babies; to brave the forgetful and unsympathetic faces of my everyday life...

My heart grows bigger each time I read those words...'I miss Owen too.'

8 comments:

Devon said...

gosh, i wonder those same thoughts...and whenever someone mentions my blake and ethan to me, my heart smiles. they remember. its all we baby loss mamas really want, right? for them to be remembered, never forgotten.

Kate said...

I just recently found your blog and wanted to share with you what an encouragement it is to me. I too, am a mommy of 3 babies who are with Jesus. I just read your blog entry entitled "Hope" with tears flowing...my husband and I decided to name the baby that we just lost, Hope. Her life is teaching us so much about where our hope truly lies - only in Jesus. I needed to read those words today and be reminded that our God is unchanging and that our hope lies in Him. I will pray for your heart along with mine as we both grieve and remember.
Kate
kt.forrest@yahoo.com

Tonya said...

I wonder the same thing....

To me, they ARE unaffected. They are consumed in their own world, oblivious to the pain I carry with me every day. Even though they know.... In fact, someone just the other day said, "Have you been having a hard time because of something new or is the same stuff?" Excuse me? Stuff? He was my son!!!

I'm so glad you've gotten those emails, that they've encouraged you, and they've made you feel stronger. I agree with Devon....we just want people to remember them.

Owen matters to me, and I think of him every day!!!!!

Love you,
Tonya

Rebecca said...

I don't have the right words to say, but I wanted to say something. Even though I'm not a 'real friend' and just 'discovered' you the other day, you, your story, and Owen have not been far from my thoughts and prayers. The fact that you are still hanging on and trying to trust the Lord give my newly grieving heart much hope.

It was not too long ago that I was 'other people' too. I think it's hard for 'them' to understand when their lives haven't intimately touched by loss.

Praise God for those friends IRL who haven't forgotten & who are still walking by your side!

Anna said...

I'm so happy that those 'real life' friends remember and miss Owen too.

((Hugs))

~Kim (and family) said...

Ebe, I just wanted you to know that even though we do not know each other, I think of you and Owen OFTEN. His life has touched mine and God is using him in my life to teach me so many things and make me more conformed to Christ's image. My last pregnancy we came very close to losing my daughter a few times...it was a long and excruciating 9 months. God allowed her to live and she is still here with me. I look at her now and do not take her for granted ever. You and your son have touched the lives of so many. I am so thankful you have the Lord to lean on during this time...and that you have the hope that you will be seeing Owen very soon. I have 5 children in heaven I am looking forward to seeing myself. My heart is aching for you.

Sarah said...

Even though I don't "know" you or Owen, I find myself thinking about you two a lot. Sometimes in passing, sometimes more deeply. I, personally, am affected by your lives, your growing and continuing faith, and your deep, deep love for your dear son.

Kara said...

I think about you and Owen. I haven't forgotten.