Sunday, May 10, 2009

When Everyone Else Forgets...

You hold him in Your arms while the angels sing lullabies of praise and glory, jealous of His love and sacrifice for such a tiny baby; for all His precious ones.

Owen is important, valued, and special. Saying it doesn't make it true. Saying it brings Him glory.

God, gracious and perfect, sacrificed His Son, who was a part of Himself- they had never been separated- to bring His children into a reconciled relationship with live fully in Heaven with Him after this life on Earth is over.

Owen didn't do anything to make me love him. I loved him because he was mine; my son.
In the same way, Owen (for all that I love and adore him) didn't do anything to cause God to love him. He didn't perform any great works to bring God honor and praise. But God loves him; and that makes him important, valued and special. God loves him.

Today is Mother's Day. Did anyone need a reminder?

A day to celebrate mothers...what does that even look like now?

For me, it looks like:
looking past the cards that didn't come, the phone calls I didn't receive, the forgetfulness of others, the social awkwardness that it is attached to stillbirth and thus my son, the inability of others to walk alongside the grieving;

and focusing on the work of a Son who reconciled me to my Father, loving my own mom and mom-in-law with an imperfect and sometimes selfish love (I know you understand why we disappeared today), celebrating the lives my little ones had here with me and the full lives they live in Heaven, remembering my babies with a mother's love.

By His Spirit, I choose to celebrate their lives. Owen's life. Sweet chipmunk and sunshine too. By His Spirit, I choose to rejoice over the full lives my children have because of Jesus.
And in the midst of my rejoicing, I choose to weep for our great losses and for the separation from our children. I miss them.

Happy Mother's Day, sweet mommies of children in Heaven. Today, they sit in His lap instead of ours...and one day, we'll sit in His lap too.


Ken and Rachael said...

Happy Mother's Day to you! I have been reading your blog for a while now and am so provoked and affected by the gospel-centered way in which you process your losses. I hope you feel the Father's pleasure in that - you are keeping your eyes on Him rather than giving in to despair. I look forward to the day for you when there will be no more tears and you can be with your beautiful kids again. You are a wonderful mother, and an inspiration to me.
May God shower an extra measure of his grace on you today.
-Rachael Boer

Sarah said...

Happy mother's day, Ebe! I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and Owen today.

I must openly ask forgiveness for my last comment hurting you. Please, please know that it was not my intent. I am deeply sorry for any further pain I have caused you.

Tonya said...

Sending you warm thoughts and love today on Mother's Day.

Your post reflects the very thing we talked about in church today. I couldn't believe it when I read it!

We looked at 1 John 4:8-10. Verse 10 is what struck me, "This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

The three main points of our sermon were this...
God's love is:
-one way
-at His expense
-for our benefit.

God doesn't love us for a reason. He just loves us. When you wrote that "Owen didn't do anything to make you love him - you just love him". That's exactly what the speaker said today. In fact, he used the example of a mother pregnant with her unborn baby, loving that baby with everything she has even before he is born. Just because. (Needless to say, thinking of Grady, I lost it with tears streaming down my face. I thought of you and Owen too.)

It is so true. God loves us. We love our babies. We just do. I can't wait to sit in His lap, too!

Thinking of you today! ((((BIG HUGS)))).


Rachel said...

You have been especially heavy on my heart today, Ebe, and I'm praying for peace for you today.

Lindsey said...

Just wanted you to know that you and Owen are in my thoughts today. I have a deep admiration and respect for those who are mothers. I hope you are able to enjoy your day today, and to find the beauty in spring all around. Celebrate!

Anonymous said...

Happy Mother's Day, Ebe. You (and ALL of your babies) are on my heart and in my thoughts today...God bless you.

Mrs. MK said...

not everyone forgets....

I am comforted by you, and others who are walking this road with me.

Happy Mothers Day, Ebe. You are a wonderful mother to your children!

~Kim (and family) said...

I was thinking of you and praying for you today.

Missy said...

Happy Mother's Day Ebe! And thank you for your thoughts. Thinking of you and praying for you today! And of your sweet Owen.

Chris said...

I love you my sweet Ebe and our babies...Happy Mother's Day again.

Ebe said...

*big sigh*
We did indeed survive yesterday. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your sweet comments and prayers for yesterday. I was praying for you all too.

Sarah and Missy, I know you meant no harm and did not intend or know that your comments could have hurt. I appreciate your sincere apologies.


Keisha Valentina said...

You've been on my mind all day.

Been praying for you.

Love, Keisha