Wednesday, May 27, 2009

"When I wake up in the morning...

sometimes the first thing I think about is Owen."

No, in this instance, it wasn't me who said this. It wasn't my husband either.

This incredible comment was made by a friend of my husband's and now, she's a life long friend of mine too. Thank you, T.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I could relay all the negative/insensitive/rude comments I've received in the past (almost) 19 months. In particular one that was made about 3 weeks ago really affected me deeply.

I have been looking for a part time job the past month and heard about a woman from my church who needs some help this summer at her small business. I walked in one day to inquire in person about a job and we just chatted a little bit about what we both had been up to. You see, I know this woman. Not well, mind you, but well enough. We've been members at the same church for 4 years. She and her husband sent us a card when Owen died.

She asked me what kind of work experience I have, so I told her about the job I held for almost two years (the one I had while I was pregnant with Owen). I told her that I left right after I had Owen and haven't worked since.

Then comes the bomb...."Well", she replied, "Who's going to look after Owen while you work?"

I don't think I've ever been as shocked as I was at that moment. I just stuttered and stammered for a minute. My eyes were probably as big as saucers when I opened my mouth to say, "Well, he'"

Then it hit her.

She waved her arms in front of her as if to stuff the words back in her mouth. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I just...I don't know...I thought you...I don't know what I was thinking."

Then, the tears came; and it was not pretty. I ugly cried right there in front of her and the rest of the store. I know she felt awful. I understand Owen is not always on her mind. I (reluctantly) get that most people have forgotten him....

but then there's T, who didn't even know Chris when Owen was alive or when he died. She's heard stories about Owen and looked at his pictures on Chris' desk every day. She told Chris that she often thinks of Owen and what we all are missing out on because he lives in Heaven; and how I should be coming into work with Owen toddling in front of me to pick Chris up for lunch.

Amidst all the people who have forgotten, the people who don't understand 'what the big deal is', the people who try to disregard Owen's life and devalue him as a person, there are those who value his life and who miss him.

My mother's heart soars...

There are people who will always remember Owen, and as much as they can, they really get it.


T said...

And I meant every word of it!! I cannot imagine what you have been through but I will always be here for you both and NEVER forget about that sweet angel, Owen boy.

sjefferson said...

Ebe, I'm so heart-broken for you. I don't even have words for that person's ability to forget such a huge detail. I can't imagine the pain that caused. Do know, I often think about you and your sweet Owen and continue to pray for you. I don't think I could ever forget Owen and your great testimony of faith when it's impossible to understand. Your honest thoughts still show an unwavering faith that inspires me to persevere. You are proof that His love endures forever and His mercies really are new each morning.

Tonya said...


I love T, too! And I don't even know her!!!! I have very few people in my life like her, who remember Grady, and they are truly GEMS! God bless her and God bless YOU TOO!!!

Love you!

Rachel said...

Way to go, T!

"My mother's heart soars. . ."
Beautifully put!

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy for you to have a friend like T. Someone who makes your "mother's heart soar" and shows you just how much Owen means, not just to you, but this world around you.

Wendee said...

I am so happy that you found a friend like T. I am fortunate enough to have friends that will tell me they miss Emily too.

Ebe said...

Thanks, T. I do pray that there are more people like you.

I am praying for all my sweet friends on the same road as me...that we would all have those who would rally around us and walk the road too.