Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I know him and he is real

Stepping out of the sun into a room full of strangers, my sixth sense cries out in alarm. Out of the corner of my eye...I see him. He's tiny, so perfect and beautiful.

Sometimes when it feels like there is no room for more pain, it wells up in my eyes, and silently falls down my face. I turn away and walk back out. Please, no more chubby-cheeked reminders of what my days might have been...


And sometimes, I step self-consciously into the room and walk past him like my heart is not breaking. Like he is not a painful reminder, but something beautiful.


I walked past him today.

I walked past him and I smiled.





My son, did you know my son? He is even more beautiful...

"...blooming in richer colors and sweeter shades than those on earth." Richard Hooker

8 comments:

Mrs. MK said...

I kiss my nephew, who just had his first birthday, and think of her, turning one next week.

Sara said...

Oh EBE,
Missing sweet Owen with you today. I am praying for you... I know how tough those reminders are.
Sara

Rebecca said...

My daughter's karate class suddenly filled up with babies as the next class was about to begin. I thought I was going to scream right there. I didn't. But inside I did. I knew you'd understand.

Laurie said...

Sweet Ebe, have you heard about this April Rose blog scam? I thought of you when I read about it and wondered how you have been affected.

Chris said...

I love our beautiful Owen. I love you too, Sweet Babe, and am so thankful for how Christ is working in you.
PAPA

Sara said...

Ebe,
I just read your last post about the 7 things. You crack me up... I hear you on the moving thing... really I needed a good giggle. You are so witty:) Hey I am game for a blog world get together, I would love it. It is has been one of the few places I feel understood and comforted, sharing that place with my fellow blog friends who have too lost a child. It seems strange, but I am so very thankful for all of you:) God's peace to you today.
Sara

keishavalentina said...

Ebe,

This is beautiful and oh so redemptive...

Ebe said...

Blog world get together! Blog world get together! = )

I am chanting this as I type...other coffee shop patrons do NOT appreciate my enthusiasm....


Laurie, yeah, I heard about it. I honestly feel for 'B'. I think that no matter what, God will redeem even this. We've been hurt, but she still really needs our sympathy and prayer. Accountability, yes; but not our judgment. We have no right to judge.
Thanks for thinking about me and all the moms whose babies did die...you are sweet to think of me.

Y'all have a great weekend!

love,
ebe