Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Let's talk pet peeves

From conception, you are a mother. A father.

From the moment life is born in the womb, you have a child. You are a parent.


It doesn't matter that no one can see him. It doesn't matter if his legs and arms have not formed yet. Before his heart starts to beat, he has a soul and his life is written out before him.

How precious he is in his Father's eyes. How precious.


Let's stop this mommy-to-be crap. There is nothing yet 'to-be'. Our lives are changed irrevocably the moment of conception and we have life depending on us. We are mommies. Just as we are. We grow with the lives we carry and we mother them with everything we do.

This is one of my greatest pet peeves. Maybe it's because calling a woman a 'mommy-to-be' until her baby is born devalues my son's life because he was born without life. I don't know...
But even before he died- on my first Mother's Day I was almost out of the first trimester and someone made a comment about being able to celebrate Mother's Day next year. I replied quite confidently that I already felt like a mother. And I was.
And I still am.

I am not trying to start a pro-life debate or call anyone out on this matter. Seriously.
I just hate the term 'mommy-to-be'. I really, really loathe it.


Let's start a campaign to end it. Anyone else game?

16 comments:

Dana said...

I agree! After Raelyn died, one of the ladies came to greet me at church and said "Hello! How are you doing, Mama" and then promptly apologized for calling me that when I wasn't a mama. I just had to turn and walk away so as not burst into tears. Just because she never got to meet her doesn't make me any less of a mommy! We may have left the hospital without our babies and we may have not had anyone to give our milk to when it came in, but we are still mommies! Motherhood begins with an idea, not with our children's first cry! Sorry to vent in your comments, but I totally agree with you. :-)

God Bless,
Dana

Rachel said...

I'm in! It's interesting on how your perspective changes when you've experienced what we have.

And I think it has a TON to do with our pro-choice culture!!! That's the main reason our babies didn't receive birth certificates.

Life and parenthood begins with conception!

Tricia said...

I agree!

Shelly said...

I couldn't agree more!

Ruth said...

I'm with you.

paige said...

me too - well spoken, mama.

T said...

Oh dear Ebe! Why do people keep making the same mistakes over and over? When are they going to learn? It is as simple as 1, 2, 3,--you and Chris were parents, still are and always will be. Maybe we should start here in town by finding a billboard and writing all of this on it so everyone will see it and the more they drive by it, hopefully the message will sink in. I am so sorry and with you!!

Anonymous said...

Mommy-to-be really is an oxymoron, huh? Like saying a baby growing inside you is a human-to-be. Not quite a mommy yet. Not quite a human yet. I'll jump on board with cutting out the mommy-to-be business.

Ebe said...

You all are wonderful! I love you so much.
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one...

Rebecca said...

It was Mother's Day & Hubs and I went shopping. It was the last day I would feel Olivia kick, but I didn't know it yet. There was a pregnant woman & her mother waiting with me in Jamba Juice for our order. It was her first baby from what I gathered from the conversation. She made some comment to the effect that she wasn't a mother yet. It took all the strength I had not to just set her record straight. Maybe something like....

"NO. You are a mother. Even before that pregnancy test read positive, you were a mother. That baby depends on you for his every need and, believe me, there is nothing more 'motherly' than that."

All that to say, I'm with you. YOU are a mother.

Tonya said...

Right on Mama!!!

Love,
Tonya

Chris said...

I am with you too precious!!! I love you with all I am!!! Mommy and Daddy forever!!! Praise Jesus!!!

Greta said...

You're right, it makes no sense whatsoever.
And for what it's worth, I'm on board with the initiative to wipe out the "mother-to-be" term ;).

Anna said...

((hugs)) YES!

Bethany said...

(I've been following your blog via Molly Piper's for a few months)

I totally agree. We didn't name our baby, though we knew the gender, until she was born-- I don't know why, really. Next time (I hope there is a next time), we'll be calling him/her by name as soon as possible, because I think it is important to counter the culture of death/denial as often as possible, even in small ways.

Mrs. MK said...

Ebe, right there with you! Let's start giving Mother's Day gifts to the women who have children in their womb or children in heaven. It's simply a matter of location...

((HUGS))