Last night, for the first time in awhile (I don't know exactly how long 'awhile' is) I cried myself to sleep. I looked at his photo album, at his cute round face and chubby cheeks and just sobbed.
I cried out to the Lord.
Not in anger. Not in bitterness. But in sadness and in longing.
Even in the midst of my sorrow, I noticed the difference. I felt the change stirring in my heart.
This is not to say I won't ever struggle with anger or bitterness again, but seeing the difference in grief without anger is kind of incredible.
I woke up this morning hopeful. Yes, my eyes were red and swollen. I had a stuffy nose and a headache from the tears, but I am hopeful nonetheless.
Hopeful that joy does live alongside sorrow. Hopeful knowing that Owen is safe in Heaven and full of life. Hopeful that the Holy Spirit is healing and leading and pointing me to Christ. Hopeful...