I had NO idea that pregnancy nausea could feel this way. Crazy, right? From my current perspective, looking back at my pregnancy with Owen I wasn't sick at all.
I remember feeling gross at night before bed. I didn't feel well when I got up for work in the mornings, but I could usually keep moving and I'd feel a bit better after eating.
I keep thinking that if I eat something then my stomach will feel more at ease, but it is not so.
I woke up around 3 am a few nights ago and felt so sick that I was concerned that I had the stomach virus or something worse.
It was awful.
But, you know, though it's not easy and not very fun, I'm so so comforted by the nausea and don't wish it away at all. In fact, when I start feeling a little better (which weirdly enough happens around dinner each night) I start to freak out a little bit.
I was (and still am) overwhelmed by all your thoughtful and prayerful comments. Thank you so much. We are very much in need of you prayers. Some days are easier than others. I was not doing all that well on Sunday. I just felt such despair and sadness. I don't want to be separated from another child. I look ahead to the next 7 months and wonder how we'll make it through.
I get overwhelmed very easily.
I need to be reminded to rest each day in God's love and goodness, in his sovereignty and power. I need to be reminded of true things, constantly.
Not things that sway with emotion or things that come from the world-
But the true and beautiful things of God.
Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears us up; God is our salvation. Psalm 68:19
I have another ultrasound on Friday. I think I'll be 6 weeks then and I pray we are able to see one of the most beautiful sights and sounds on Earth. A heartbeat.
I haven't seen a heartbeat since Owen. I was 34 weeks the last time I saw his heart beating- two weeks later, there was silence and stillness.
We never saw our chipmunk's heart beating. We didn't have an ultrasound with sunshine; we were scheduled for one the week after our sweet baby died.
Needless to say, I am aching for the sight and sound of this baby's heart. Despite the nausea and other symptoms, I worry about this little one. a lot.
Please pray for us- 8:30am on Friday. I will post as soon as I can that day, hopefully with wonderful news.