Friday, October 9, 2009

Just really scared

Please pray for me. I am tired. Weary of fighting off the worry. I'm afraid. Terrified.

Nothing's happened since my post a few hours ago. I'm just scared. I don't want this child to die.

edited to say- 
he daily bears us up


praise God

he daily bears us up


Crissie said...

Oh Ebe - how I hear your cry. I wish that I was strong enough to have some very faithful thing to say, but you and I have learned to be scared.

I'm too afraid to try again - I just want our daughters back. Every single day I am afraid of what could possibly happen to my other children. It is a paralyzing fear at times, but I try to remind myself that the Lord loves me and he is compassionate. You and I have been through such deep, devastating loss. Bless you - that's all you know. I cried my eyes out month after month, my soul screaming why???? We've sent back our Baby Tanner and our twins Mollie and Marie. Why??? I know that everyone's answer is very personal, but one night I just knew that it was because their mission was not the kind of life that I wanted for them. I knew that to have brought these babies home and lived with them and known their laughter and their smile and then had to let them go would have killed me. Even after that revelation, I am still scared. I'm afraid to have faith and trust... I can only partially know what you're going through.

Continue to pray and be faithful. I just wanted to tell you that I remember you and Owen on my knees each night.


Mrs. H said...

From a fellow mom-of-loss, who has dealt with your emotion and mercifully been brought by our Great God through to 34 wks with the next one... I wish that, "Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance." (Jude 1:2)
Stopping to pray for you this very moment.

Anna said...

Oh Ebe, I'm so sorry this is so scary. I'm praying for you.



Rachel said...

I just read your two posts from today and am thinking about you so much, my friend. I can only imagine what you're going through, but please know that I am crying out to the Lord for you, for Chris, and for this baby. While I know peace seems unattainable until this little one is crying in your arms, I pray that for you for this hour and the next and the next. I'm also praying for the time to pass quickly and for the cramping to cease.

I'm assuming you do this, but try to find some verses you can quote aloud whenever you're feeling nervous, scared, whatever. Satan is trying his hardest to plague you with fear and you need to cast him off aloud (he can't read your thoughts like God).

Have you "named" this baby? I'd love to be able to pray for this baby more personally.


Anonymous said...

My husband and I just prayed for you. We'll keep praying for you, Chris and your little May baby.

"I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid." John 14:27

Sara said...

I am praying sweet friend. Praying that our Lord will sustain you and wrap His arms around. He loves you Ebe with a fierce and everlasting love. I am praying that Satan would have no way with you and that he is unable to steal your joy over this precious baby you carry. I am too praying for the cramping to end... right now. Praying for you to be able to rest in HIM, knowing He is carrying you even now.
Peace in HIM<><

Rebecca said...

I hate that you're scared. I hate that you've been jaded when it comes to pregnancy. I am still longing for the day, with you, when we know fear no more!

Take heart, Ebe.

You are loved.

Keisha Valentina said...

Oh precious Ebe, I am praying...

Here are some verses I have clung to during my own struggle through the dark night of anxiety and fear.

Oh sweet sister, I am on my knees.

Remember that He is your only comfort.

Love, Keisha

Mrs. MK said...

Praying for you, Ebe. This is the hardest ever...

Traci said...

Oh, Ebe.....I'm praying. I know there's nothing I can say to help...only God can ease your fears and only God can hold you and this little one in such tender care. I love you both and am praying each moment for that deep peace and assurance that God holds you both in His hands. And yes, he will bear you up.

Freya said...

Hello Ebe,
I've never commented on your blog before. I am a Christian & I found your blog by following a link from Molly Pipers blog (my Pastor's wife told me of it after hearing of my own pregnancy losses) but I wanted to comment this time because I've been reading it for about 6 months now and asking that G-d would give you another pregnancy and wondering when He would & am thrilled that it has come! Something that a woman in my Church recommended to me (who experienced several late pregnancy losses) was that when she got pregnant she asked that G-d would make it easier as she got further along--and, He did! So I will pray that for you, as well as fight with you against worry and fear. Be well, Ebe (& your Husband as well).

Emily said...

Praying for His presence to envelope you and praying that you could just simply enjoy carrying the little jelly bean inside you and not be racked up in fear. Praying for joy to overcome worry.

Emily said...

Praying right now for you dear Ebe.