Monday, November 30, 2009

Waiting

Yesterday in church our pastor read a quote from Dietrich Bonheoffer which succinctly reminded me of why I blog. I guess a part of me had forgotten. Thanks to those of you who helped remind me as well; you are an encouragement. 


Advent is a time of waiting. Our whole life, however, is Advent- that is, a time of waiting for the ultimate, for the time when there will be a new heaven and a new earth, when all people are brothers and sisters and one rejoices in the words of the angels: "On earth peace to those whom God's favor rests." Learn to wait, because he has promised to come.
Dietrich Bonheoffer

Yes, come quickly, Lord. 


I hope everyone had a peaceful Thanksgiving. I remember when I thought there was nothing to be thankful for, and I remember feeling like there would never again be anything to give thanks for- I hold you all close in my heart, you who feel the depths of despair washing over you. 


As for this year, well, I told Chris this afternoon that I think we'll skip Thanksgiving next year. This is the second Thanksgiving in a row that he's gotten really sick. Last year, he got the stomach virus (a really really bad case, in my opinion) on Thanksgiving night and was sick for 4 days. I waited and worried, wondering when I would feel that first twinge of sickness, but even after caring for him I didn't get sick. Thank you, Lord. 
I've also never been more thankful for a washer and dryer as I was last year (the first three years of our marriage we didn't have one). 

This year, he has gotten some kind of a mystery illness. I have no idea what he has, but he felt awful yesterday. It started as a headache and then progressed to a really bad headache and nausea. I tried to talk him into staying home from church, but seeing as he leads worship, he felt obligated to go. When he came and sat next to me for the sermon, he scooted his chair away from me and mouthed the words 'I think I have a fever.' My heart sunk. 
I felt his forehead and he was burning up. I was sure he had the flu. I just about lost it in the middle of the sermon, but I managed to sit there, worrying the entire time (I know, I know). After the service ended, my friend S. turned around to say goodbye and I lost it. I just started crying, worrying for the baby's health, for Chris. I hate the flu. 

When we got home, we stood in the parking lot arguing about what I should do. He wanted me to pack a bag and get away from him as soon as possible, but I didn't want to leave him there alone. I didn't want to get sick, but then again, I wanted to take care of him.

It was all moot. We took his temperature and it was completely normal. I made him take a shower and eat soup, while I made him a little make shift bed on the couch. His face was flushed and still really hot, but he didn't have a fever. After a long restful sleep last night, we decided it still would be best if he stayed home from work today. His head is still hurting and he feels really tired, like he's been sick for a week, but altogether he's feeling much better. I'm beginning to wonder if he had a migraine headache. He's never had one before, but his symptoms fit the description. 
It also could be allergies of some kind. He had really bad allergies when he was a kid, but doesn't suffer as much as he did when he was little. We cut down our Christmas tree yesterday before he started feeling really bad, so I wonder if the tree is the culprit. He doesn't want to take the tree out of the house because he's feeling better- but I still wonder...

Blech.



I feel pretty uneasy about the baby today. I guess all that worrying has a price. I don't think I've felt the baby move yet, but maybe just maybe I've been feeling some movement. I know I said I was sort of dreading feeling movement, but now I wish I could feel something, a tiny foot kicking or an elbow, something to ease this fear a little bit. 


Lord, help me believe that you are sufficient. 

7 comments:

paige said...

yes, isn't it crazy all the fear that is spread even worse than the flu? My family got it (right down to the upset tummy, the super high fevers etc...) & i was sure i'd get it while caring for them - & like you, i worried about the babe inside, but for whatever reason it passed me & one other child over completely.

Rebecca said...

Oh, Ebe.

It makes me sick to think that what you've already been through has tainted the sweetness of pregnancy for you. I'm sure I would feel the same way though.

Praise God for His continued protection over you & your jellybean and for Chris's recovery!

Amen and amen!

Rachel said...

Praying that you stay healthy (I worry too with all the H1N1 junk - it's hard to know what to believe.) and that Chris feels better soon. I've heard of many pregnant women who've had it (H1N1) and both they and baby are fine. It won't be long and you will be feeling definite movement, but unfortunately that didn't take all the worry away. Keep resting in Jesus and enjoying each day.

Sara said...

Ebe,
I am praying for all 3 of you. For Chris to be healed and feel well again... and for you and precious little one to be protected from whatever he has. Ebe, I will be praying that by God's grace you will be able to truly enjoy these next months. I understand the worry, I do, but I also want you to soak in all the goodness of this little being... being knit together in your womb. Praying for you Ebe!
Sara

Anna said...

Hugs and prayers!

Love,
Anna

Keisha Valentina said...

Oh Ebe, I understand the sickness thing! Every year and I mean EVERY YEAR at Christmas I get the flu and it totally sucks.

I am praying that you stay healthy and well and also for peace of mind if you do end up getting a bug (but no! You won't!)

Once again, thank you for your honesty. I love you for it, girl.

Chris said...

Thank you for taking care of me in sickness and in health Babe. You are a wonderful wife and mommy.I love you.
PAPA