Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Good appointments

First things first, Hannah Mae is doing beautifully. She is measuring right on track, weighing an estimated 14 ounces. She gave us quite a show, wiggling and moving all around. She even showed us how she can put her hands in her mouth. She is such a little cutie pie. We got to look at her for quite some time because we had a student sonographer who was logging in her ultrasound hours. Of course, we didn't mind at all.

Here's her profile again.

This one is my favorite. It's the only 3D picture we got today. She didn't really want to cooperate when we wanted to see her in 3D and we barely got this shot of her face. Her face is in the very bottom left hand side of the picture. She looks like she's smiling with her mouth wide open.

I have a lot to say about today's appointments.

It was the first time we had been back to the high risk doctor since my second pregnancy when he gave us the final diagnosis of cornual ectopic. I can't believe it's been almost 2 years. The ultrasound tech remembered us and was happy to see us there under different circumstances.
Today's visit was the third time I've seen this particular high risk OB. Yes, that's right. I was referred to him when I was 19 weeks pregnant with Owen, because he had a 2V cord (instead of a 3V cord). And no, they didn't catch anything out of the ordinary with him or me. We were so relieved when we left his office that July day; I couldn't imagine anything being wrong with our little boy or his environment. They were very wrong. I know I can't expect perfection from human beings; they are not God. They can't predict everything or watch everything or do anything beyond their best ability. I only wish I truly believed that they did everything in their ability to make sure Owen was okay before dismissing him as a 'normal' healthy baby boy. The high risk OB's last words to me were, 'if you were my patient, I'd treat you as a low risk pregnancy. Everything looks great.'

Daily, I have to surrender these feelings and thoughts to the Lord because he is sovereign over everything, he doesn't miss anything or make mistakes.

When Owen was born, he was only 4 lbs. 1 ounce at 36 weeks gestation. This is significantly smaller than most babies his age. The pathology report showed he did not have a right kidney. Both my regular OB's office and the high risk office missed this on the ultrasound. His cord also showed a stricture, which is narrow part of the cord; a weak spot where my doctors suspect he suffered from cord compression and died. Being that he was only 4 lbs, they also suspect he was not getting adequate nutrition for some time. My belly always measured right where it was supposed to, or at least that was what they told me.

You can see why I have mixed emotions about going back to the high risk OB (the only one in town). Today, the ultrasound tech was not the same one who did Owen's scan, so right away I felt more at ease. She was very thorough and positive about Hannah Mae throughout the scan, but all the emotions came rushing out when the high risk OB (let's call him Dr. PBM, for Poor Bedside Manner) came through the door for the consult. Thankfully, Praise God, as Dr. PBM was starting the scan, we heard Dr. Wonderful's voice through the door. He was out in the hallway asking which room we were in. He came bursting through the door, gave me a big hug and asked how I was doing. It was such a great moment. He didn't stay for the whole appointment, just long enough to ascertain that Hannah Mae is doing well and that I was hanging in there too. We have talked a little bit in the past about how I feel about Dr. PBM. Dr. Wonderful works with him a lot, as they consult each other medically about high risk patients, so he has professional respect for him but he also understands why I feel the way I do.
Dr. PBM has just that: poor bedside manner. He isn't very personable and isn't really the type that enjoys answering your questions. I had some questions I had intended on asking him, but he didn't seem the least bit concerned about Hannah Mae's development (sound familiar?) and was eager to get out the door.
Thankfully, I have an amazing (God-send) of a doctor who takes everything I say seriously and has answered all my questions in a way that I understand. Dr. PBM wants to see me back in 10 weeks to check Hannah's growth, so in a way, I'm glad I don't have to go back to him very often. Dr. Wonderful wants Hannah Mae to have growth scans every 3 weeks starting at 26-28 weeks, so I guess we'll have them in his office instead of Dr. PBM's.
I went over to Dr. Wonderful's office after the high risk appointment and talked with him again about my fears and worries. He is incredibly understanding. He has me scheduled for weekly heart tone visits until my next official appointment in 3 weeks. Hopefully going in every week will help assuage my anxiety. He also mentioned that if I needed to have one, I could get an ultrasound at that weekly visit.

*big deep breaths*  Praise God.

When we asked about possible induction dates, he told us that he thinks May 1 or 2 is the time frame for an amnio, so that means....15 more weeks to go!!!
And yes, I am doing a happy dance as I type!

Grow, Hannah Mae, grow!


Emily said...

Your descriptions of Dr. Wonderful make me smile. :)

Praying for a heart at peace during the next 15 weeks and dancing a happy dance for you, too! :)

Erika said...

i can so relate to many of your feelings- during blythe's pregnancy (my rainbow baby), my anxiety was through the roof. i had been told so many times that vivian and annemarie were developing perfectly- and then one day, they were gone due to a placental defect. it made me question everything, especially the doctors i had put so much stock in. but...as you said, they are just people not God.

thankfully, blythe was born big and healthy at 38 weeks. i am praying for your little hannah mae. she is beautiful! 15 more weeks...hang in there!



Rachel said...

Thanks for the additional info about Owen, I didn't realize many of those things that you mentioned. I have a friend (Work and Play Day by Day blog link on my blog) that lost her daughter at 30 weeks b/c of a 2V vs. 3V cord issue - they were also given the run around a bit as to whether it was an "issue" or not, unfortunately Kenna died in the meantime.

So glad to see Hannah Mae is growing and is such a cutie. I'm glad they will be doing growth scans every three weeks. Only 15 weeks is so amazingly close, I can't believe it! PTL!


Kelly said...


Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and offering your kind words and insight. I very much appreciate it. Oh, and I can tell already that you aren't an idiot. :) It's tough to keep up with the details.

I am so sorry for your losses and all that you have endured. The pictures of Hannah Mae are beautiful. I am so glad she is growing strong and that you have a wonderful doctor who is taking care of you both.

I'm looking forward to following your journey. (((HUGS)))

On an unrelated note, I love your background. Is that a hibiscus? It's a beautiful flower and it made me smile.

Kelly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelly said...

I realized after I posted that I didn't say enough about Owen. Ebe, I'm not sure what to say. He was a beautiful baby and what you described made me cry. I'm so sorry that you had to lose him. I hope that knowing that one day you will get to hold him again gives you some peace.

You are going to be an amazing mother.

Dana said...

Praising God with you!! I am so glad to hear your good reports!

Praying for peace to last through this pregnancy and beyond.

Freya said...

That is totally excellent. I'm so glad for you, Ebe. I am so thankful for the grace G-d is showing you with Hannah Mae & your wonderful Doctor =)

I pray blessing on your family.

Anna said...

Hannah Mae is so beautiful!

Love and Prayers,


Rebecca said...

Just the thought of EVER having to go back to the same OB AGAIN for any reason (say, annual exam) makes my stomach churn. Not even because they did anything wrong or didn't catch something or whatnot. Just because of bad memories. So I can COMPLETELY understand why you would have bad feelings about Dr. PBM. I'm so thankful for your Dr. Wonderful & for your Great Physician. :>)

I love seeing your beautiful pictures of Hannah Mae.

Amy said...

I'm so happy to hear Hanna Mae is growing well and everthing looks so good. What a wonderful OB you have! Thanks for the update.

Miranda said...


I love the pictures. Dr. PBM is a little quirky man, isn't he? Sorry that you had to go back there but so happy that everything is going well with your wonderful little girl. You are a great mommy!! Can't wait to meet sweet little girl.


elfinwynter said...

Oh, isn't Miss Hannah Mae just too beautiful? Just like her mama!

Love you!!!!

Chris said...

That's right...just like her Mama!!

Ebe said...

Chris...you're in trouble!! You know I how I feel about 'mama'!

I'm mommy, thank you very much!