First things first, Hannah Mae is doing beautifully. She is measuring right on track, weighing an estimated 14 ounces. She gave us quite a show, wiggling and moving all around. She even showed us how she can put her hands in her mouth. She is such a little cutie pie. We got to look at her for quite some time because we had a student sonographer who was logging in her ultrasound hours. Of course, we didn't mind at all.
I have a lot to say about today's appointments.
It was the first time we had been back to the high risk doctor since my second pregnancy when he gave us the final diagnosis of cornual ectopic. I can't believe it's been almost 2 years. The ultrasound tech remembered us and was happy to see us there under different circumstances.
Today's visit was the third time I've seen this particular high risk OB. Yes, that's right. I was referred to him when I was 19 weeks pregnant with Owen, because he had a 2V cord (instead of a 3V cord). And no, they didn't catch anything out of the ordinary with him or me. We were so relieved when we left his office that July day; I couldn't imagine anything being wrong with our little boy or his environment. They were very wrong. I know I can't expect perfection from human beings; they are not God. They can't predict everything or watch everything or do anything beyond their best ability. I only wish I truly believed that they did everything in their ability to make sure Owen was okay before dismissing him as a 'normal' healthy baby boy. The high risk OB's last words to me were, 'if you were my patient, I'd treat you as a low risk pregnancy. Everything looks great.'
Daily, I have to surrender these feelings and thoughts to the Lord because he is sovereign over everything, he doesn't miss anything or make mistakes.
When Owen was born, he was only 4 lbs. 1 ounce at 36 weeks gestation. This is significantly smaller than most babies his age. The pathology report showed he did not have a right kidney. Both my regular OB's office and the high risk office missed this on the ultrasound. His cord also showed a stricture, which is narrow part of the cord; a weak spot where my doctors suspect he suffered from cord compression and died. Being that he was only 4 lbs, they also suspect he was not getting adequate nutrition for some time. My belly always measured right where it was supposed to, or at least that was what they told me.
You can see why I have mixed emotions about going back to the high risk OB (the only one in town). Today, the ultrasound tech was not the same one who did Owen's scan, so right away I felt more at ease. She was very thorough and positive about Hannah Mae throughout the scan, but all the emotions came rushing out when the high risk OB (let's call him Dr. PBM, for Poor Bedside Manner) came through the door for the consult. Thankfully, Praise God, as Dr. PBM was starting the scan, we heard Dr. Wonderful's voice through the door. He was out in the hallway asking which room we were in. He came bursting through the door, gave me a big hug and asked how I was doing. It was such a great moment. He didn't stay for the whole appointment, just long enough to ascertain that Hannah Mae is doing well and that I was hanging in there too. We have talked a little bit in the past about how I feel about Dr. PBM. Dr. Wonderful works with him a lot, as they consult each other medically about high risk patients, so he has professional respect for him but he also understands why I feel the way I do.
Dr. PBM has just that: poor bedside manner. He isn't very personable and isn't really the type that enjoys answering your questions. I had some questions I had intended on asking him, but he didn't seem the least bit concerned about Hannah Mae's development (sound familiar?) and was eager to get out the door.
Thankfully, I have an amazing (God-send) of a doctor who takes everything I say seriously and has answered all my questions in a way that I understand. Dr. PBM wants to see me back in 10 weeks to check Hannah's growth, so in a way, I'm glad I don't have to go back to him very often. Dr. Wonderful wants Hannah Mae to have growth scans every 3 weeks starting at 26-28 weeks, so I guess we'll have them in his office instead of Dr. PBM's.
I went over to Dr. Wonderful's office after the high risk appointment and talked with him again about my fears and worries. He is incredibly understanding. He has me scheduled for weekly heart tone visits until my next official appointment in 3 weeks. Hopefully going in every week will help assuage my anxiety. He also mentioned that if I needed to have one, I could get an ultrasound at that weekly visit.
*big deep breaths* Praise God.
When we asked about possible induction dates, he told us that he thinks May 1 or 2 is the time frame for an amnio, so that means....15 more weeks to go!!!
And yes, I am doing a happy dance as I type!
Grow, Hannah Mae, grow!