Remember when I wrote about this friend back in March? Her baby boy was born a couple of days before Owen's 2nd birthday. He is almost exactly 2 years younger than Owen.
And now he's 2 months old.
We went out to lunch with them the other day. All of them.
When they came in, my eyes immediately went to the car seat in their arms. My head flooded with emotion and I didn't know exactly how I felt. Mostly I was curious, I guess, to see how I would react when I saw him close up.
He's not the first baby boy I've held since Owen, but for some reason I was both eager and hesitant to get my arms around him. Each day that brings us closer to having Hannah in our arms makes me more and more eager to hold babies. Weird, right? It has been years since I've had the desire to even be around babies and now I find myself anxious to have the weight of a baby in my arms again.
He was soft and warm. A cuddly little guy with wide eyes and pink skin. I loved holding him...
and at the same time, it hurt. a lot.
Days later, it still hurts.
The longer I held him, the longer he was near me cooing and wriggling, the more my heart ached and pounded with emotion. As time wore on, I just couldn't handle being near him any longer. It was such a strange reaction since I had really enjoyed holding him close.
I gave Chris the signal that I was ready to go and thankfully, he knows me well enough that he understood and we came home. Home to our quiet empty apartment.
Every night I pray that our quiet apartment will be alive with noise and joy and laughter in the very near future...
17 more weeks to go.