Friday, January 29, 2010

hope and love

I think I've talked a little bit about my friend, Miranda. Her firstborn son, Caleb, was born still one year ago at 37 weeks. We met for the first time last May. She was a few weeks pregnant and I had just started ttc for the fourth time. She now has a sweet little 8 week old baby boy at home.

She came over yesterday afternoon with her precious son Elijah. It was so much fun. Elijah is super cute. I couldn't get over his adorable little grunts and squeals. I loved having a squeaky baby around. Something I don't talk about much is how quiet our house is and has been for the past two years and two months. It is unbelievable how much nothing has changed in three years. 2007 was supposed to be the year of change and it was...but in ways I never could have dreamed possible.
Our house is too quiet. Sometimes the quiet is so painful that it literally makes me ache with tension. I have to have the radio playing or a movie on in the background all the time.
I asked Miranda if her house was blissfully not quiet now that Elijah is home. I can imagine how much his tiny squeaks and grunts warm her heart. She told me how much she loves having his baby things everywhere and how her home looks like a baby lives there.
Oh, how I ache for that day.
I didn't realize I had his little hand covering his cute face. oops...

When Elijah was born, Chris and I went to the hospital to meet him. He was born at the same hospital Owen and Caleb were. Chris had not been back on the L & D floor since we had Owen, but I had been once about a year after Owen died. I helped with a Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep session; a precious little boy born still at 31 weeks. 
Elijah was the first newborn I had held since Owen. Sure, I had held babies since Owen, but not a newborn. He was a tiny little thing, warm and brand new. He was perfect. He looked so much like his big brother, Caleb. Chris wasn't sure about holding him just yet, but yesterday afternoon he leapt at the chance to get Elijah in his arms. It was like looking at the real life version of the picture I've had in my head since getting pregnant with Owen. 
He is such a good daddy. I have vivid memories of him holding Owen and singing to him at the hospital, and I absolutely can't wait until we're holding Hannah Mae in our arms. 

When Miranda left, I had that familiar 'let down' feeling I get after hanging out with my friends that have living children. I certainly don't begrudge her the happiness of having Elijah at home. Not one bit. I just ache for the day when Hannah Mae is here and being at home isn't so heartbreakingly quiet and lonely. I ache to hold her and hear her precious happy squeaks and change her poopy diaper. 

I loved being with Miranda and Elijah yesterday and look forward to spending more time with them before we head off this summer. I think Elijah and Hannah Mae are going to be an adorable couple, don't you? 

Oh, and I have to share something that one of Tonya's friends made for us. It seriously warmed my heart. I love them. Thank you, Leah. And no, I'm not freaked out at all!

I love having something with her name on it. I'm going to have to frame one for her room. 


Miranda said...

I think that Hannah Mae and Elijah will be a very cute couple! I think he was already flirting with her yesterday :)

We LOVED our visit too and absolutely can not wait to meet little Hannah. She is so lucky to have such loving parents who are so joyfully anticipating her arrival. I just know that her 3 siblings are looking after her.

You are Chris are going to be so great at taking care of your little girl each day as she fills your hearts and home with noise and "stuff" that signifies a beautiful living child.

We continue to pray for you and are counting the days...


Rachel said...

Blessings to you Ebe as you try to wait patiently until May. It's almost February!!! I am praying for you, Chris, and Hannah daily and can't wait to rejoice with you when she's in your arms. I'm so glad you have friends close to you that understand what you and Chris have been through these past 2+ years. I pray 2010 is filled with happiness like you've never experienced before.

Off to change a poopy diaper!