Tonya and I got to talk for a while this afternoon and it was so good to catch up. Did you realize we talked for over an hour? Me neither!
She encouraged me to write more, and to document and write about sweet Hannah Mae. I want to. I really do, but I also want to be sensitive as I know that there are precious women of all stages of grief and in all different seasons of life reading my blog.
I care about you all. Even if I don't know you and you've never commented before and I don't know your name, I care about you and don't want to hurt you in any way.
I was thinking about how I've been blogging now for over a year. A year I've been musing and sharing my thoughts with the world wide web and it's really amazing to go back and look at how God has healed and restored and grown me in so many different ways.
I went back to almost exactly a year ago and read a post that I think about a lot. Well, I think about the inspiration for the post a lot. A conversation I had with my pastor. The conversation that helped me immensely to move forward in my grief and acknowledge that it isn't moving away from Owen, but moving toward him.
I'd really like to share it with you again. Maybe it's exactly what you need to hear tonight.
Here's the link , but I'll post the reader's digest version here so if you don't feel like reading the whole thing, you'll still get the most important part:
H. said one thing that has taken hold in my heart. He told us that we really need to move forward (o.k. so this is nothing new but the way he explained it was so soothing). We need to move forward because there is nothing in the past. Owen is not there. He has moved from the earthly dimensions of time and space and he is in Heaven, waiting for us.
Owen is not in the present. Yes, this one is obvious...that is why we are hurting. That is why life is hard; but we can't sit in the devastation and depression that is in the present because we have things to do, places to go and ultimately, we have one place we are going where (What's that? Can you hear a theme?) all things will be made right. Owen is in the future.
Maybe I've said nothing new to you, but wow, do you ever have those moments where the light bulb goes off, something snaps into place...and it is suddenly easier to breathe?
This was definitely one of those moments. I have somewhere to go. I have to move forward. It is not leaving Owen behind, because he is not there, he has what I desire, he is where I desire to be and I need to move forward.
Goodnight, friends. Have a peace-filled weekend.
Just wanted to add that if you struggle with the devastation and depression for the rest of your life and you never move forward, that is okay. You are free to struggle. God is still the same God and he will redeem all things.