Friday, January 15, 2010

Seasons

I've been wanting to blog, but not knowing exactly what I wanted to say, I have stayed off blogger this week. A lack of words shouldn't keep me from blogging though, right Tonya ?
Tonya and I got to talk for a while this afternoon and it was so good to catch up. Did you realize we talked for over an hour? Me neither!
She encouraged me to write more, and to document and write about sweet Hannah Mae. I want to. I really do, but I also want to be sensitive as I know that there are precious women of all stages of grief and in all different seasons of life reading my blog.
I care about you all. Even if I don't know you and you've never commented before and I don't know your name, I care about you and don't want to hurt you in any way.


I was thinking about how I've been blogging now for over a year. A year I've been musing and sharing my thoughts with the world wide web and it's really amazing to go back and look at how God has healed and restored and grown me in so many different ways.
I went back to almost exactly a year ago and read a post that I think about a lot. Well, I think about the inspiration for the post a lot. A conversation I had with my pastor. The conversation that helped me immensely to move forward in my grief and acknowledge that it isn't moving away from Owen, but moving toward him.
I'd really like to share it with you again. Maybe it's exactly what you need to hear tonight.

Here's the link , but I'll post the reader's digest version here so if you don't feel like reading the whole thing, you'll still get the most important part:


H. said one thing that has taken hold in my heart. He told us that we really need to move forward (o.k. so this is nothing new but the way he explained it was so soothing). We need to move forward because there is nothing in the past. Owen is not there. He has moved from the earthly dimensions of time and space and he is in Heaven, waiting for us.
Owen is not in the present. Yes, this one is obvious...that is why we are hurting. That is why life is hard; but we can't sit in the devastation and depression that is in the present because we have things to do, places to go and ultimately, we have one place we are going where (What's that? Can you hear a theme?) all things will be made right. Owen is in the future.
Maybe I've said nothing new to you, but wow, do you ever have those moments where the light bulb goes off, something snaps into place...and it is suddenly easier to breathe?
This was definitely one of those moments. I have somewhere to go. I have to move forward. It is not leaving Owen behind, because he is not there, he has what I desire, he is where I desire to be and I need to move forward.





Goodnight, friends. Have a peace-filled weekend.






Just wanted to add that if you struggle with the devastation and depression for the rest of your life and you never move forward, that is okay. You are free to struggle. God is still the same God and he will redeem all things. 

10 comments:

Ashley said...

Oh Ebe I would love to get together with everyone. I was just thinking today it is crazy you and I have not gotten together yet since we live so close! Can't wait!!!
Love,
ashley

Erika said...

wow, wow, wow. what an amazing post. i love what your pastor has said. it really took hold of my heart.

i know what you mean about struggling to move forward (and write about your rainbow baby) and also honor those who are struggling and waiting to become pregnant again.

my solution (not sure if it's a great one) has been to write two blogs. one is about my grief over vivian and annemarie and one is about my present life.

i find i write more and more on my "present life" blog- and less on my blog for v&a, but i find it's still very important to me to have both. v&a's blog connects me to a community who remembers my girls- which is very important to me when it seems the rest of the world has forgotten them.

sending you love and peace and light...

xoxo,
erika

v&a's blog: littletinyfootprints.blogspot.com

my "present" blog: funfinns.com

Sara said...

Ebe,

You are so sweet and sensitive. Yep Owen is in your future... your eternity... I love it! Samuel too... Will this be the year the Lord returns and all things are made new? Wouldn't that be awesome! Praying for you and sweet Hannah Mae!
Sara

Tonya said...

I did not realize that we talked for over an hour! Time flies when you're having fun, right?

I loved this post. I did not go back and read the original post because I felt like you probably summed it up very well here. I can totally see how in the midst of your darkest days of grief, H.'s words would help you. They helped me today. His words are so true and filled with the right perspective. Our hearts just have to try to catch up! Thanks for sharing again!

Love you! Looking forward to getting together next week!

Tonya

Sara said...

Hey, I am jealous, I want to get together with you and Tonya next week:) I had to comment again. As I was lying in bed praying this morning for all my friends who have lost children, all my friends who want tobecome pregnant, and for all my friends who are:) I thought more about your post. Ebe, this is your place to share... even though I long for God to put another child in my womb ( I am constantly wondering if I used up my one last good egg on Samuel:) I still want to hear about your excitement for Hannah.... I can feel and see your sensitive, sweet spirit in reading your words and it touches me. You have experienced great pain and loss in your life, but praise God Hannah is a part of your life now. I know you know all that, but I don't want you to be afraid to share all of it. I rejoice with you my friend and others do too. We rejoice that Owen was a part of your life here on earth in the flesh for all the time you carried him. He is still a HUGE part of your life... and Hannah Mae too. We love hearing about both (sunshine, chipmunk... and of course Chris too:) OK enough rambling... you have been waiting a loooon time for this... feel free to share whatever is on your heart:)

Love to you EBE!
Sara

The Blue Sparrow said...

Ebe, you are such a kind a sweet woman! I loved this post and it is soo true. *HUGS*

wednesdayswithmalou said...

I remember that post. It touched me back then too, just as it does now. It's a good reminder to embrace our new lives going forward.

House of Collinsworth said...

I thought about you a few times this weekend. I still would really love to meet you sometime since we live so close. I see some talk of an Atlanta get together...I would love to be a part of something like that! Who else lives in the area?

Ebe said...

Yay! Atlanta get together!!

Let's do it...

Freya said...

I appreciate your sensitivity, Ebe. I also want to add that, I thank God for Hannah Mae. Not because you grieved in all the right ways and showed Job up, but because you sought the Lord with your plea, and in His great mercy and grace, He's answered you. I love that about Him--our words aren't just void to Him. So for me, it's a joy to hear all the little details (also because, I never made it past the 1st trimester, so I don't even know what visits have to happen.)
I think it is wise to use discretion--but also, this blog is read by people who want to know what is going on with you. We are all free to read/skim/skip over anything that might be too difficult to read.

Those are my thoughts.

Take Care!