Monday, April 12, 2010

3 weeks 1 day

Is this what they call the home stretch? 



I've started my to-do list and actually have crossed off a few things. I started doing some work on my classes and getting a pediatrician for Hannah Mae two weeks ago... and I completely frustrated myself in the process. I waited too long to call my preferred pediatrician, the one we picked out for Owen. And I also waited too long to take some of the classes I wanted to take before Hannah's birth. I did get into the breastfeeding class, but I couldn't get an infant/child CPR class before her birth. The next one available is in the middle of May. I pray I'll be too busy to attend. Thanks to a friend (what a HUGE help she is), I did find a good pediatrician for Hannah. We are interviewing tomorrow morning. 
I hate this fear that sometimes paralyzes me into doing nothing. I hate that I let it distort my view of the present. It can take over everything. 

In the midst of the fear and anxiety, we have done some things in preparation of bringing her home. I managed a few loads of laundry with a lot of help from my mom, who did the majority of the work. It was very helpful having someone push me to start. We have brought her carseat and pack n play over from storage at my parent's house. They are both sitting in our living room... waiting. Everything that we will need in the beginning is here, waiting at our house. We don't have it all in place yet, but it's here nonetheless. The last time the bouncy chair made it's way from my parent's house to ours, Owen died the next day. It was impossible not to think of the last weekend we had with Owen while pulling out of their driveway yesterday. 
It's impossible not to think of the last few weeks we had with Owen during these last few weeks with Hannah Mae in my womb. All the preparing, the laundry, the cleaning, the assembling... all the heightened emotions of excitement and joy and nervous energy... all of it brings me back 2 and a half years ago. 
I've done all of this before. 


Throughout the ups and downs, God is so gracious to us- even with all the struggles and fear. I think of doing this without him and I can't imagine it...
I am so thankful for his presence, his Word and his love. 

9 comments:

Sara said...

Ebe,

I will be praying you through these next 3 weeks and one day... Oh wow, on my end, all I can feel is excitement for you... I know being the one who is experiencing it all, there has to be so many feelings whirling around in your head and heart. God will carry you through these next weeks.

Ebe, may the peace of our Lord which surpasses ALL understanding guard your heart and mind over these next few weeks. He who has promised is FAITHFUL! FAITHFULL THROUGH IT ALL EBE! He loves you and sweet Owen, Chris and Hannah Mae more than we can possibly imagine... and I love you too:)
Sara

Tonya said...

Yes, I do believe this is the home stretch for you sweet friend! I'm so excited for you and Chris! I really want to try to get together at least once more before Hannah Mae's arrival. If you want help with anything, I'm more than happy and willing to do it! You're in my prayers as always. Love you SO much!!!

Amy said...

Your belly is getting so nice a big!

I worry about the prep work too. We have done it all before and that is what's so terrifying. If adoption woks out of us, I worry about unpacking everything we had set up before. How will I be ready to do this?

I'm glad you were able to do some of the things on your to-do list. I know it is emotional (mixed bunch of excited-scared-sad-aching-etc). Sending ((((hugs))))

Rachel said...

Ebe - You're almost there! Hannah Mae is almost here! Many times when I'm holding Caleb I think of you and imagine the absolute joy you will feel when you hold Hannah for the first time and all the times after that.

I remember holding my first baby (Ethan) and being in absolute awe and love and I think of you and Owen and how much you loved him and yet, you had to say goodbye to him instead of welcoming him home. I know how I felt holding Caleb after his birth, but I also had held two other babies in my arms before losing Felicity. So I just imagine how beautiful it will be for you, after waiting SOOO long for Hannah Mae and never knowing the joy of a healthy living baby in your arms. I know Owen will be rejoicing in Heaven on that day too.

Praying for you! You haven't mentioned any labor fears, but I can imagine that's a big one, so I will pray specifically for that and Hannah's well-being!
Love,
Rachel

Anna said...

Praying for you, Hannah Mae & Chris. These last weeks must be so hard but I pray that Hannah Mae will be crying in your arms in three weeks.

Love & Hugs
Anna

dorothe said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers often. I can't wait to see Hannah Mae. Feel my love for you and Chris. Love you much, Dorothe

heather ryan morse said...

everyone else is saying it..but i am praying, dear sister in Christ..

Stephanie Schupska said...

We're praying, Ebe, praying hard. You are so loved in prayer, my friend. And I can't wait to meet baby Hannah and celebrate her life with you and Chris! So soon now!

Emily said...

Wow wow wow. So few jelly beans left :) Praying that you will continue to rest in His peace during these next weeks.