Monday, June 21, 2010

a little cheese for your first day of summer

This Father's day, I thought I'd share with you all what an incredible man, 
husband and Papa I've been married to for the last five and a half years. Not to brag, but he is the 
best, my favorite. Our life together hasn't been the easiest- 
and at times, it has down right sucked, but the love we've been given for each 
other is a choice I'm grateful to make every day.

Love you Papa.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

You're the Mom?!

It always amazes me what people will say to complete strangers.
We were at the grocery store with sweet Hannah to pick up her Zantac prescription when a lady who works there comes up to us and asks if she can get a peak at Hannah. We had her in the bottom part of the grocery cart in her carseat with a blanket on top, but sure, why not... I lifted the blanket so she could look at her. The lady asks me how old she is and I answer 6 weeks. Her eyes get really big and she looks me up and down... 'and you're the mom?!' she exclaims.

Why, yes- yes I am the mom. Thanks for asking.

She quickly recovers and asks/states 'you've lost all the pregnancy weight already?!' I'm just not sure how to respond and I'm sure my face conveyed my emotion. I was dumbfounded and frankly a little annoyed.

What's it to you? And no, I have not lost all the pregnancy weight.


Okay, okay, so there are worse things than someone commenting on something like this, but seriously, I don't get saying this to a complete stranger. And in my opinion, she seemed to be commenting on my perceived age as well. I'm turning 28 this summer... 28. Not 16.
I've always looked younger than my age and I knew it was only a matter of time before someone would mistake me for the nanny or the babysitter, or the big sister or anything but the mom.

But I am the mom. 

And have been for 3 years.

Something I've been thinking about for the past few weeks is how having Hannah Mae home with us feels. Like... really feels. I've been waiting for 3 years to have my child home with us. To mother a living child must feel different from mothering a child in my womb, right?

But no. No is the conclusion I've come to. It doesn't feel any different. I don't feel any more a mother now. But to everyone else, I've finally become a mom. They can clearly see my identity as a mom now.
It hurts that my identity as Owen's mom is overlooked. It hurts even more that he's overlooked.

But I know the truth. I can feel and sense my motherhood and it hasn't changed. Not one bit.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Words fail me...

(though I do have to say, yes, I was indeed watching Glee...)

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Reflux sucks

Apparently 80% of all premature babies suffer with reflux. It's so common that most doctors just assume that all preemies have it. Hannah is no exception. It could be worse, but she's not been feeling all that well lately. It really really sucks watching her in pain. She's still eating okay, but after she eats, she cries. I hate it. She looks at me with her big sad eyes and her mouth turns down in a frown and then the most pitiful crying starts. Her voice is hoarse and high pitched raspy, so it just magnifies the pitifulness.

Reflux sucks. More than that, the fallen world just plain sucks.