Saturday, February 5, 2011


My heart is literally aching tonight. Sometimes, the pain, the ache hits so fiercely and out of the blue that it takes my breath away.

Last night, we went out to eat at Chick-fil-a and sat behind a woman with 2 kids. One was a boy who had blond hair and cute little glasses. He kept peaking over the booth and smiling at Hannah. She responded by raising her eyebrows at him and finally cracking a smile. They went back and forth, interacting with each other in adorable unspoken kid fashion.

I knew in my heart how old this little boy was. I turned around and caught him leaning over to peak at Hannah again and I asked him how old he was.... three years old, he said.

I smiled and turned around to lock eyes with Chris... so this is what it would be like.

I wish I didn't know this deep, unsettling ache. I wish I was oblivious to the pain of such a great loss.
Most of all, I wish Owen was here to play with his little sister.


Anna said...

I wish that for you too- so much.
Those out of the blue reminders hurt a lot.

Praying for comfort for you tonight.

Tiffany said...

::tears:: I have moments like that too... I'm so sorry hun <3

Tonya said...

I'm sorry. I wish he was here to play with Hannah too. I saw the little boy who is one week younger than Grady outside riding his tricycle the other day. I thought my heart would rip to pieces then and there. Thinking of you.


Sara said...

Ebe, Iam so sorry that your heart is hurting so deeply today... but I totally get it! OUCH! Praying for you as you continue to navigate this life without Owen here with you... what a joyful, amazing reunion it will be Ebe!

Ebe said...

Thank you all. I'm feeling less achy today, but the hole is always there, you know?

Freya said...

yea, I know what you mean. sorry, Ebe.

Emily said...

It won't be like this forever. Just this side of heaven.

Cecilia said...

Yes, this. Missing our babies and wondering what could have been.