This first day of April four years ago I was pregnant with Owen. I had only known for a few days and no one else knew except us. I was blissfully ignorant of all that can happen during pregnancy, and although I was freaking out, I was so excited too. Three years ago, I was pregnant again with baby chipmunk. It was a rocky pregnancy from the beginning and this day, three years ago, was most likely fraught with anxiety and fear. One year ago, I was entering my last month of pregnancy with little Hannah Mae. This day, one year ago, was also full of anxiety and fear, but we were so close- closer than we knew. This month will always bring pregnancy to my mind. I was pregnant with all but one of my babies in it.
April is Hannah's birthday month. It wasn't what we expected, but when will I learn that such is life?
April 27 will be here before we know it and I cannot believe our little 4 lb 6 oz baby is going to be a year old soon. She's still our little peanut, weighing about 19 lbs and hanging out in the 3-5 % for height. She can stand unsupported for about 3 seconds and is walking around the apartment like a pro- using us as balance, of course. She doesn't need any help supporting her weight, it's the balancing part that gets her. I love watching her eyes light up when she takes those cute little baby steps. It's not pride I feel, but happiness for her. I'm excited for her to grow up, learning more about herself, the world around her and the Lord. Of course, my selfish mommy heart misses the newborn cuddles and coos, and a part of me wishes she would stay little forever and not grow up so fast. But those are my issues, not hers and I pray she never feels stunted because of them.
Yesterday, at Trader Joe's, a few women in the produce section were ooing and awing over Hannah when the dreaded series of questions and that conversation reared its ugly head. A lady asked if she could give Hannah a cookie, which was nice of her but we haven't given Hannah anything but fruits and veggies just yet. We told her no thank you and laughed that Hannah doesn't know what a cookie is yet. The lady responded that she must be our first because once you have more, those kinds of rules go out the window.
The produce section was full of people, not to mention the three women who were still ooing and awing over Hannah. I wished it could have gone differently, but I didn't say anything to correct her. I cringed and said, yeah there are no big brothers or sisters at home to tempt her with treats. I turned quickly and looked at Chris whose crestfallen expression mirrored my own. I hate this.
I'm thankful for each one of my babies. And I'm thankful for the time (albeit way too short in my opinion) I had with each of them.
April will always be a month in which I look tenderly back at my pregnant days. I don't know if I will have any more of them in the future. I certainly didn't know what life would be like four years after my first positive pregnancy test and it has not been what we expected. Such is life?