Tuesday, April 26, 2011

On the eve of her birthday, I will remember

Sitting in my favorite chair thinking back on Hannah Mae's first year in our arms, I know I will always remember her soft baby cheeks against my face as we danced in the living room. I will remember her little fingers pulling my hair as she stuffs a fist full in her mouth and giggles.

I will remember the way her head rests on my chest when she gets shy near other people. I will remember the high pitched coos and squeals of delight that come out when she sees her favorite toys. I will remember how tiny she was the day we brought her home from the hospital and how unprepared I felt to care for such a precious baby. I had tried to imagine what it would be like to bring our little girl home, but I just couldn't... I had no idea how incredible it would really be.

I will remember the cuddles of a four pound newborn who slept best on my chest, nuzzled up under my chin. I will remember the first time she smiled and the first little baby chuckles in her sleep. I will remember how her eyes light up when she sees me and how she always signs milk at me with a big smile on her face. I will remember the way she waves at anyone and everyone. If you're not looking, she will continue waving at you until you do look, grunting for acknowledgment. I will remember her concerned a-goos when I run the food processor. She has always been an inquisitive and thoughtful soul.

I will remember her happy yells of dadadada when she hears the door open and knows her daddy is home. I will remember her sleepy content sighs as I lay her down in her crib for a nap and she rolls over to her tummy to snuggle her favorite monkey, Zeke. I will remember how she constantly waved her arms around when she was laid on her back to play as a newborn.

I will remember how often I looked down at her face when she was nursing and it was like looking at a picture I have in my head of Owen on the day he was born. They have such sweet resemblances to each other and though sometimes it hurts to see those similarities, I am so thankful they look so much alike and I am so thankful for them both.

When I think about the past year, I see the faithfulness of a God who loves me more than I deserve. I can still remember how inept I felt that first diaper change at home. And how afraid I still was after 35 weeks of a terrifying pregnancy. I thought I would leave so many fears at the hospital, but I brought them home with us and have been struggling with them ever since. God has been so faithful and loving to us, despite how I keep dragging out old fears and how I doubt his love most every day.

Years from now when Hannah Mae is a grown woman and I am an old woman, I know that when I think back on Hannah Mae's first year in our arms, I will remember the sweet faithfulness of our Father in Heaven.


Jenilyn said...
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Anonymous said...

I feel INCREDIBLY privileged to be able to picture so many of the things you mention here :) it is such a joy to watch her grow!

Katie said...

What beautiful sweet sweet memories!

Sara said...

Ebe, I remember getting the call from Tonya that she was here safe and sound. I was so thankful and was praising our Heavenly Father for the gracious gift of Hannah Mae... what a precious little gift she is!

Tonya said...

I remember, too. Sweet memories. Thanks for sharing. Can't wait to see pics of her with her cake! Give her a kiss and a squeeze for me!

Love you!