Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Maybe One Day

Bitterness, jealousy, anger, why, why, why....

You'd think that after three and a half years I would be 'over it', right?

Yeah, not so much. I still struggle with those feelings of jealousy and bitterness that I used to blog about so often. Jealousy over things that seem so easy for other people, things they never worry about, things taken for granted.  It's sometimes very hard to remain calm and not slowly combust. Sometimes it's all I can do not to internalize everything and make someone else's struggles about me or compare experiences. Sounds selfish, doesn't it? Oh, it is.
I can only assume that everyone else does this too, in some area or another. Relationships in the here and now are hard. Made strained and tense by sin. All of our sins.

Bitter, jealous, angry...
I don't always feel this way, and for that, I'm very thankful.


But on the days when I feel eaten alive with jealousy and bitterness, God's unending grace is big enough. And on the days when I don't feel eaten alive, that's God's grace too.

3 comments:

Sara said...

I love your honesty... I can so relate on many levels... ugh! We are such sinners huh? Grief has made that so much more evident in myself with all the struggles that I have had. It is so hard. But praise God for His faithfulness, his unending grace even when we don't deserve it:) His grace is enough... praying for you right now Ebe... praying you feel strengthened by His immense love for you and by the way He is using Owen, sunshine, chipmunk, and Hannah Mae's stories in your life... You are beautifully created by him...
Sara

Devon said...

so get it. i just get it. these are my words too. thank you for making them tangible...

Stephanie said...

Ebe, I love you and your words and for reminding me of God's grace when I want to scream (and when I don't). And I really needed this today. Thank you.