His 4th birthday was a rainy, gloomy one. There were times throughout the day that I broke down sobbing. I cried through lunch with Hannah Mae. I cried during dinner preparations and I got so frustrated making his cake that I almost scrapped the whole thing.
We released balloons after lunch during a short break from the terrible weather that was forecasted for the afternoon. I was worried they weren't going to fly high enough and away because of the spitting rain and the blustery wind. But they did.
We sang happy birthday to Owen and explained to HM that one day, when Jesus comes back, we're all going to fly up out our graves and meet Jesus in the sky just like the balloons are flying up and away.
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
(1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 ESV)
Overall, I'm feeling deflated, but thankful for hope.
Hope that one day there will be no more longing or separation or sadness or tears or missing ones on their birthdays, or cakes with no one to blow out their candles, or feelings of anger and frustration when your son is forgotten and his very name is taboo.
We have so much hope, even when we don't feel it. Even when we cry out in anger and sadness. Even when there are missing ones around our table. HOPE.
'And so we will always be with the Lord.'
Happy birthday, precious dear one. We love you, Owen.