Friday, January 20, 2012

sometimes

sometimes i still check on my husband's breathing at night. sometimes i wake up my husband to check on my sleeping baby.

sometimes i get really angry when people use the term 'traumatic' flippantly.

sometimes i love an empty laundry basket. but sometimes i have a hard time washing all of HM's clothes.

sometimes i can't make myself shop the deals for next year's seasons.

sometimes i can feel the fear so tangibly that it makes my heart skip a beat.

sometimes i space out when i'm playing/eating/sitting with HM because my mind goes there.

sometimes i can't get out my own head fast enough. sometimes reading is a great escape. sometimes not.

sometimes, like right now, nothing seems to help.

4 comments:

Beth said...

You check on your husband's breathing, too. I'm glad I'm not the only one (I guess -- really, I'd rather that all of our babies were still alive and fear and grief hadn't invade our lives in such a traumatic way).

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so bad right now. Sending love, hugs, and prayers your way. xoxo

Anonymous said...

Praying for you- as I often do.
-s

Rebecca said...

Maybe you didn't mean it to, but your post makes me feel....normal.

I'm not the only one who calls her mother hyperventilating that her husband *must* be dead because he went for a reaaalllly long drive and isn't answering his cell phone and said he'd be home soon but that was 2 hours ago?

I'm not the only one who thinks that it could be more than just a simple illness that my child has...like a brain tumor or cancer?

I'm not the only one who panics when all the kids are away from me...wondering what tragedy could possibly befall them?

I'm not the only one who's not living in that serene little bubble of "that-could-never-happen-to-me"?

Although we have never met, my heart is with yours and our babies are together.

XXOO

Malou's Mama said...

Yes, yes, yes. Thank you for reminding me I am not alone with these types of thoughts.
xo