Thursday, March 22, 2012

7 things

1. I went to sleep last night composing a brilliant journal entry in my head. Or at least, it seemed brilliant at the time. I guess a lot things sound better at midnight than they do at nine in the morning.

2. I finally updated my other blog yesterday. It has been a while. I'm not sure where this blog will go, but it will most likely end up being a journal of my thoughts about how/why we are making changes in our lifestyle.

3. I have to sit down and write about my conversation with a seminary professor about blessings soon. It was such a great talk and it has helped me look at blessings differently.

4. I have been experimenting with my diet lately. I'm trying to find what is bothering me (my head, fatigue, digestion, skin trouble), but it's proving to be difficult. It's not that we eat all that unhealthy, so cutting out things that are not bad for me is hard. I have been (sort of) off gluten for a couple of weeks. I can definitely feel a difference when I have eaten wheat. But the big problem is that it (experimenting with my diet) is triggering some old feelings about food.
I had an eating disorder in college. One that made something as simple as making a snack almost impossible. I remember that I used to hide "food" (sugar free/fat free diet bars) in my closet and eat alone in my room. I have not struggled with those old feelings about food in a long while. It has been amazing to eat without thoughts of calories or negative feelings about myself, and I am so thankful.
So now that I am making a conscious effort to cut out foods (I think it's called an elimination diet) I have been having a hard time making myself eat at all. I mean, I still eat (I have checks and balances in place in case you're worried about me). It's just more complicated to eat now that I'm trying not to eat wheat or so much diary. Boo.

5. HM, Chris and I watched the new Muppet movie last night. It was one of the most fun nights we've had in a while. I cuddled up to Chris on the row (HM's word for rug), and HM laid on my chest. *sigh* I never thought I'd have it so good. HM is such a big cuddler these days. She is quite specific about where she wants my hands/arms to be, and last night I almost melted when she took my arms and hugged them around herself.

6. HM now calls me mommy half the time (and mama the other half). My heart could burst with love every time she calls for me.

7. Spring is here again. And can you believe that our HM will be two next month???!!

Monday, March 5, 2012

He is able

Come ye sinners, poor and wretched,
weak and wounded, sick and sore.
Jesus, ready, stands to save you,
Full of pity joined with power.

He is able, He is able; 
He is willing; Doubt no more.

Come ye needy, come and welcome;
God’s free bounty glorify:
True belief and true repentance,
every grace that brings you nigh.

Without money, without money
Come to Jesus Christ and buy.

Come ye weary, heavy laden,
Bruised and broken by the fall.
If you tarry till you’re better,
you will never come at all.

Not the righteous, not the righteous;
Sinners Jesus came to call.

Let not conscience make you linger,
nor of fitness fondly dream.
All the fitness He requireth
is to feel your need of Him.

This He gives you, this He gives you,
’Tis the Spirit’s rising beam.

Lo! The Incarnate God, ascended;
pleads the merit of His blood.
Venture on Him; venture wholly,
Let no other trust intrude.

None but Jesus, none but Jesus
Can do helpless sinners good.

We went to a Hymn Sing tonight (I had never heard of a Hymn Sing before, but basically we sang hymns together for over an hour- with the help some incredible worship leaders and musicians). The sight and sound of other messed up people, my brothers and sisters in Christ, and children all singing praise and glory to our Father.... it was amazing.

Come Ye Sinners was the second hymn we sang. I have heard this particular song many many times before at our home church in Georgia, but haven't heard it since we moved here. I needed it tonight.

I literally gasped when the third verse was sung. And then the fourth, and then the fifth. 

None but Jesus.

Thank you, Lord. I needed this reminder so badly tonight. So often I try to make myself better, try to stop the worry or fear or anger (or insert any sin at all) by trying harder. I think I need to be better to gain His love and faithfulness. But that's not the Gospel. That's not what Jesus taught and it's just.not.possible. 

He is able and willing, ready to save. Praise the Lord.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Spiritual Warfare

"A related tactic (related to Satan putting thoughts into your mind and then accusing you of having it) is to trigger an emotional response and then use the same accusation approach. Satan has many people convinced that they are what they feel--whether or not those feelings be 'good' or 'bad'. Feelings are not unimportant. They are a very real part of our lives, but they are not the test of truth or spirituality. This is why Christian meditation is important. Meditating on the Word of God day and night builds a Biblical filter in the mind by which that which is contrary to the truth is kept out. So when the enemy tries to accuse us for a thought he planted in our mind, we can say, "I recognize where that thought came from, and since it is not from God I reject it. I refuse to be controlled by it."
Timothy M. Warner, Spiritual Warfare

This really means a lot to me. I am an emotional person and when I feel something strongly it affects me deeply. Sharing that I feel spiritual warfare here in seminary kind of makes me feel like people might start looking at me like I see demons behind every bush or tree. Well, I guess that's a risk I have to take. 
I feel spiritual warfare here, more than anywhere I've ever lived. 

Last night I felt such strong despair (after a fight with Chris over something stupid) about a physical ailment and all our worries/struggles that I whispered to Chris, "God must hate me." And then as almost an afterthought, "Or Satan does."
Chris prayed over me and we talked for brief moment before going to bed about how Satan does hate us and anything that tells us that God hates us is a lie from the enemy. I prayed and talked a little with the Lord about how I feel and asked for guidance and wisdom and help.

Then Chris gave me the book Spiritual Warfare to read this morning. 

I read a few pages that Chris marked for me and immediately felt relief. The Word of God is truth and all else that contradicts it is a LIE. 

And then as icing on the cake, a sweet friend told me that she saw a cardinal this morning (my beloved red birds) and thought of me. 
God is present and His Spirit is always with us. Praise the Lord.