Tuesday, July 23, 2013

A time for gratitude, mourning and rejoicing

We are about three weeks from moving our family of four to a new home in a new state for a new job. We are also just under a month until our littlest one finally receives our last name and we can all breathe a sigh of relief and rejoice at the permanent-ness of her adoption.

Life has been strange lately. I don't know any other way of describing it simply.
In other words, life has been fun, chaotic, slow, structure-free, sad, scary, joyful and a tad stressful and nerve wracking.

I've been struggling with some of the 'same-old' stuff as well as some new hardships, and I know... I can tangibly feel the enemy's eye on us as we set off to do the hard work of ministry.

We are really excited about our calling. We are so ready and also so sad to leave seminary. It is so hard to explain but maybe it is easy to understand. Seminary has been full of deep friendships, hard loneliness, intense struggling, and a deeper understanding of grace, of the Lord's faithfulness and love. We have grown up here... in a lot of ways.

Three years ago, I came here thinking I was a very mature. I thought I was much more wise than my 28 years. But I wasn't, and I've been humbled here... but not harshly humbled by an unloving and disappointed Father.

I've been humbled because I've seen more grace than I ever thought was possible.

And it's kindness that brings me to repentance. I'm so thankful.

It's been incredibly strange to stay behind for the summer... to be living here while brand new students and their families move in... while friendships are starting and their time is just beginning... while ours has ended and we have set our hearts to move. It's hard to explain. I don't know if I'm doing it any justice.

Some of you may be asking why we have stayed this summer. The state of Missouri won't allow us to leave with Ruby until her adoption is finalized. And so we wait.
Chris has been support raising for his job (I could write for days about the hardships of raising money, but I'll spare us all that) and has taken a part-time job working for the seminary cleaning. I am staying home with the girls, trying to provide structure and stability when my heart feels so far from stable.

So life goes when change is imminent. The knowledge of more transition weighs heavy on my heart and the enemy takes advantage of my fears. But in all of this, the Lord is ever present. A faithful, true and gracious friend.

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