Oh, but I know love as a fading thing
just as fickle as a feather in the stream.
See honey I saw love, you see it came to me
It put its face up to my face so I could see
And then I saw love
I am not
....I will not open myself up this way again.
I will not lay like this for days now upon end... You will not see me fall, you'll see me struggle to stand. I will not open myself up this way again.
...see honey, I am not some broken thing.
I do not lay here in the dark waiting for thee. No, my heart is gold. My feet are light. And I am racing out on the desert plains all night.
Some say love is a burning thing, that it makes a fiery ring.
Oh, but I know love as caging thing
just a killer come to call from some awful dream.*
I am a total nerd for song lyrics. I like a good beat, but really when it comes down to it, I'd much rather listen to a song for what it says than what it sounds like. And this is one of my favorite songs. It is heartbreaking and totally depressing, but it opens up this part of me that knows exactly what it's saying. How many times has 'love' disfigured us? How often has 'love' used and abused and broken us?
But that is not love.
Love is not fickle. It is not a killer from some awful dream. Love does not disfigure. Love does not cage us.
Love frees us. Love transforms us. Love restores us. Love redeems us. And in our brokenness, Love
holds us up in all our weakness, calling us to come out from hiding... to rest in security and safety.
I think it's safe to say that we've all been hurt (and maybe even crushed) by someone who said they loved us. Someone who made the promise that we were safe with them.
And then they left out of nowhere. Or they grew distant and slowly disappeared. One day, we're safe. And the next, we're not.
We can carry this hurt for the rest of our lives, growing more and more resistant to love, more guarded, and less willing to accept offers of love and acceptance. We will not fall for that again. We will struggle to stand on our own. We will run free never stopping, never resting, never safe.
We will not open up ourselves this way again.
But we will lose something so beautiful, so tender, and so freeing. And that is what the Lord God, our loving Father, gave us when he set us in families, in friendships, in community. He gave us His People, His Church. He gave us a picture of His Love here on Earth. A picture that we will sometimes mark up with our sin, our selfishness, our own agendas...
It can be scary sometimes, and it might hurt... it might be uncomfortable, but it is infinitely worth it.
But our hope is not ultimately in other people's love or acceptance... it is in Jesus' love and acceptance. And so, we are freed up to point to the Love of God, free to proclaim the awesomeness of our Jesus. We are freed up by His Love to love other people ... people who may hurt us or leave us... but we are secure forever in His Love.
And that Love is worth it.
safe in our Daddy's arms
But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.