Thursday, December 29, 2016

Let them lead me

Things feel very challenging right now. In the midst of boxes stacked high in our small apartment, and heartbreaking goodbyes and sad lasts in our last days here, I am craving normalcy and praying for peace.

I have always sucked at transitions.

I held Cooper for about an hour last night as he fought against heavy eyelids and sleep. He snuggled close and pulled my arm tighter against his body, looking up at my face and whispering "hi mama" as he touched my chin with his sticky little fingers that smelled of sweet peanut butter.

I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep in hopes that it would encourage him to close his eyes too. He chattered and giggled to himself, saying "bat bad guy" over and over again laughing quietly. When I peaked at him a few times, he was staring at his hands raised up toward the ceiling, waving them around and turning them over, finally bringing them down to cover his nose and mouth and giggling some more. Then he turned his head and touched my chin again... "My mom.... My mom..... My mom" he whispered firmly over and over again as if he scolding someone invisible.

As he laid there as close as he could get to my side, I realized that in the midst of the chaos of boxes and cleaning and questions and uncertainty and sorrow... there is peace and rest here too. There is so much comfort just being still in the presence of my good, good Father. His hand sustains us all.

"why are you cast down low, o my soul?
why are you cast down low and in turmoil?
hope in God, for I shall again praise him,
hope in God, for He is my salvation...

send out your light and your truth
let them lead me"
-Sandra McCracken

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